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Enlightened Administration

Okay, a couple of minutes ago I implied that I wasn t going to tell any stories (or something like that). Maybe you were disappointed. Maybe you thought, Oh. Thank God. Maybe.

But I do have a story. A story of enlightenment.

I stepped into the conference room. It s morning report. A time when we go over problems, issues, and generally direct the day s operations.

The administrator starts off with a little speech. We ve all been uptight over the last few weeks. We ve all noticed it. Half of us are crawling up the other half s back; we re talking behind each other s backs; we re snippy with each other. I don t think I m making any news saying this.

And he wasn t making any news. The Department of Health recently did their annual survey and it was a nit-picky and frustrating experience. Many of us still harbored the feelings we had during that week.

I hope you ll all bear with me, he continued. I ve got a stress reduction video that I want us all to watch. Again, I know it s different, but we need it.

He turned on the television in the corner and pressed play on the VCR. An English gentleman is interviewing a woman. I immediately knew it was a Monty Python skit and sat back with a smile:

Announcer:
The stuff of history is indeed woven in the woof. Pearl Harbour. There are pages in history s book which are written on the grand scale. Events so momentous that they dwarf man and time alike. And such is the Battle of Pearl Harbour, re-enacted for us now by the women of Barley Townswomen s Guild.

Cut to a muddy corner of a field. Miss Rita Fairbanks stands talking straight to camera. Behind her lurk five more pepperpots.

Announcer:
Miss Rita Fairbanks - you organized this reconstruction of the Battle of Pearl Harbour - why?

Rita:
Well we ve always been extremely interested in modern drama we were of course the first Townswomen s Guild to perform Camp On Blood Island , and last year we did our extremely popular re-enactment of Nazi War Atrocities . So this year we thought we would like to do something in a lighter vein

Announcer:
So you chose the Battle of Pearl Harbour?

Rita:
Yes, that s right, we did.

Announcer:
Well I can see you re all ready to go. So I ll just wish you good luck in your latest venture.

Rita:
Thank you very much, young man.

She retreats, and joins the other ladies who meanwhile separate into two opposing sides facing each other.

Announcer:
(reverential voice over) Ladies and gentlemen, the World of History is proud to present the premiere of the Batley Townswomen s Guild s re-enactment of The Battle of Pearl Harbour .

A whistle blows and the two sides set about each other with handbags etc., speeded up 50% just to give it a bit of edge. Mud and elbows and fists and feet flying. A pile of cross-dressed men in floral dresses mixing it up on some English field.

Thus ended the stress reduction video.

There was a special 3 o clock showing of The Upperclass Twit of the Year. I attended.

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