Updates
I haven’t updated. I don’t intend to update.
I may make this a photoblog. I’m not sure. But I won’t be writing essays like I used to.
However, if you are a fan of old school JimFormation, drop me a note: jim at jimformation.com. I’m sure I can help you out with a few things.
Jim
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You’re Lying Eyes
I didn’t get a good look at these guys. I had my back to them in a little coffee shop in somewhere in Long Island, New York.
The first guy’s voice was a little soft and tough to hear. The other guy spoke with a proud raspy voice with a little southern lilt.
Man 1:
How’d you do it?
Man 2:
I’ll tell you exactly how I did it, but this conversation goes no farther than the two of us …
Man 1:
Please help me. My wife won’t even talk to me.
Man 2:
First of all, do see me now? I walk around proud. When I walk into a room I’m a rock star. I walk with my head high. I never get embarrassed. I never apologize about what I did with that chubby girl.
Man 1:
I think you’re onto something. But technically I broke the law. You didn’t break any laws …
Man 2:
Fuck ‘em. You didn’t break any laws as far as I can tell. You were tricked.
Man 1:
What do you mean "I was tricked"?
Man 2:
You didn’t know. How would you know?
Man 1:
What do you mean I didn’t know? Didn’t know what?
Man 2:
Now you’re getting it.
Remember when I asked what the definition of is was? Most people were asking if I was retarded. I just kept saying it, "I don’t know what is is."
Man 1:
You know, you’re right. I should have talked to you sooner.
Man 2:
Of course I’m right. Now be a man and get out on the street. Stop apologizing. And don’t ever resign from anything again.
Now get out of here.
Oh, do you still have that Kristy-kid’s number? She’s cute.
March 14th, 2008 | Comments (0)
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Sex = $206/hour
By now we all know about New York Governor, Elliot Spitzer. We know that, over the course of several years, he was unfaithful to his wife. He has since resigned as governor, ashamed.
In a brief press conference he apologized to the people of New York, that he did not “live up to what was expected of (him).” Phooey, I say. He shouldn’t have resigned because he was having trysts with $1,000-per-hour hookers. Who cares? It’s who this guy is banging, as long as he isn’t banging my wife (or, in the case of former New Jersey governor, Jim McGreevy, me).
History can probably make a good case that the best leaders have had sex outside their marriages (Washington, Jefferson, JFK, MLK, Clinton, Swaggert, et. al.), and that we should encourage such action in our leaders.
No, I believe Spitzer needed to resign because he is financially irresponsible. $1,000 per hour? For a little pokey-pokey? Reports are that he’s spent over $80,000 on these ladies! And that’s his money. Who knows how he’s willing to spend money that’s not his, the money of the New York tax payers.
The real price of a piece of nookie is probably somewhere around $206 per hour. Here’s the math, your mileage may vary:
You buy your wife a $500,000 house. Over a 30-year mortgage at 6% interest, your real cost of the house is about $1,000,000. The average couple has sex 162 times per year, or 4,860 times over the course of the mortgage. Assuming that each nookie session lasts an hour: $1,000,000 divided by 4,860 equals $206/hour.
There are plenty of variables that can be changed: the cost of the house, the number of times per year you have sex, the length of your average love-making session, your wife’s contribution to the mortgage, etc. For this exercise, I’m happy with the $206 per hour figure.
Spitzer grossly overpaid to the tune of five times the going rate. I wouldn’t trust him with my money as governor. For that, I’m glad he’s gone.
March 14th, 2008 | Comments (0)
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Pay Attention
The caption below reads:
The night before the burial of her husband’s body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of “Cat,” and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. “I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it,” she said. “I think that’s what he would have wanted.”
The photos and stories are a couple of years old, but so what …
March 13th, 2008 | Comments (0)
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TiVo & YouTube
Like it’s a big deal, TiVo has announced a deal with YouTube. From Tivo’s March 12, 2008 press release:
TiVo … today announced an agreement with YouTube that will offer access to YouTube videos directly from the TV via a TiVo DVR. The service will be available later this year to broadband-connected subscribers with TiVo Series3(TM) DVRs, including the new TiVo HD … Upon launch of the TiVo-YouTube service, TiVo users will be able to search, browse and watch these videos directly on their television sets through their broadband connected TiVo DVRs … Importantly, users will be able to log into their YouTube accounts directly from their TiVo boxes and access their favorite YouTube channels and playlists.
Big deal, says I.
If you have a Nintendo Wii (and who doesn’t?) and wireless internet access (and who doesn’t?), you’ve already been able to watch YouTube video on your television through the Wii’s browser. If you haven’t done it, give it a try. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
March 12th, 2008 | Comments (0)
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Hitler’s Cowboys
January 31st, 2008 | Comments (3)
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A Giant Victory
January 21st, 2008 | Comments (1)
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We’re All Trees
I heard an old man, a barber, from Missouri interviewed on the radio this afternoon. In a slow Southern accent he said that one of his customers just told him that “the movie ‘Barber Shop’ takes place in a colored barber shop.”
“I don’t think they like to be called colored anymore,” the host was quick to chide.
He said, “Listen. When I was a young ‘un, we called them the n-word (yes, he said ‘n-word’). And then they wanted to be colored. When I got a little older they wanted to be called Afro-American. A little while later, African-American. And now they want to be called black.”
He continued, “If I had a tree in my front yard and its name changed five times, I might just start calling it a tree.”
Amen, brother.
January 14th, 2008 | Comments (6)
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2-and-a-Half Years
Two-and-a-half years ago, I broke my leg.
Two-and-a-half years ago, I stopped exercising.
Two-and-a-half years ago, I stopped eating well.
Two-and-a-half years ago, I weighed thirty pounds less than I do today.
Three Stories of Realization
- A couple of months ago, my three-year-old put his hand on my stomach and asked, "Dad, do you have a baby in your belly?"
"No," I answered.
He turned away, shook his head, and said to himself, "It must be something."
- An employee who I hadn’t seen in several months came out of his office, turned the corner, and nearly ran into me. He didn’t extend his hand and say, "Hello." He pointed at my belly and gleefully announced, "Hey! You gained weight!"
- In 2005 the United States Depart of Agriculture (USDA) changed its "food guide pyramid." The "pyramid" breaks food into groups and advises us on how much of each group we should eat for optimal health.
I went to their website, MyPyramid.gov, to see what they advised me to eat. I filled out their online questionnaire, clicked the submit button, and waited in hopeful anticipation of personalized dietary guidance.
No such luck. Instead, the site told me that I was overweight, recommended that I see my doctor, and forwarded me to the United States government’s "Weight-control Information Network."
Son-of-a-bitch.
p.s. My cardiologist told me to lose weight.
January 14th, 2008 | Comments (5)
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Editorial Malfeasance
I had a visceral reaction when I read this sentence in an article at The American-Statesman’s website:
“The court fight led to revelations that chief executive John Mackey had spent eight years posting anonymously on Internet stock message boards, alternately boasting about Whole Foods and dissing Wild Oats.” (Emphasis mine.)
“Dissing.”
I am not a journalist. Nor an editor. Not even an English teacher. Hell, I think I was a marginal English student. But I find that sort of language, or word choice, troubling when read in a professional publication.
Professionally, I write cleanly using the best grammar that I can muster. Personally (e.g. in this blog), I enjoy taking liberties with the language.
“Dissing” is clearly a slang taken from the early 1980’s hip-hop culture. Slangs are informal speech. As far as I’m concerned there is little room for such speech inside a formal, journalistic article.
All the writer, or her editor, needed to do was strike the word “dissing” and replace it with “disparaging.” Simple. Proper. Concise.
Maybe the language is changing. It always is. I’m just not always hip to it.
(By the way, isn’t “malfeasance” a cool word? I think so. It’s sexy. Important. That’s why I used it in the title.)
January 8th, 2008 | Comments (3)
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JimFormation is Jim McCormick